Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
