I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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