I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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