I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
