After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
