if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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