i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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