Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
