My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
