You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
