I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
