Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
