At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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