Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
