alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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