i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
