So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
