Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
