Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
accomplished twins. life is a go
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
