For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
