Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
