also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
