One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
