I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
