I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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