I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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