Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
