I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My feet surprised me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
