i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
