Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just cropdusted the office
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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