Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
