I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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