Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
