My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
"it" just moved
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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