Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my shit smells like andre
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
