Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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