I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
