I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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