I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize