Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it glows. i had to have it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
