Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
