So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
