at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
