I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
