Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
