K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
