There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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