I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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