While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
