I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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